Just when you thought winter was passé

I have many fond memories of my retarded kid self playing SkiFree on our family’s first computer, a 486 running Windows 3.1. There was nothing quite like zipping down that flat white mountain, dodging trees, moguls, showboating snowboarders, and dogs who always picked the worst spots to relieve themselves; threading through slalom markers til your fingers bled; hitting those rainbow-painted ramps and smashing all the arrow keys at once, hoping not just to earn a high score, but also to land in a tree and set it on fire – the utmost definition of being awesome.

Not everyone thought so, however, which is when Smokey the Bear decided to make the call.

“This is Smokey. Someone’s been carvin’ up my mountain, and I think it’s time you carved him a new asshole.”

“Punks been lightin’ your trees on fire again, Smoke?”

“You should’ve seen this guy’s score. I nearly crapped my pants.”

“Uh, Smoke… you’re a bear. Why are you wearing— ah, forget it. I’m on it.”

“Okay, but… what if he’s too fast?”

“Don’t worry. That’s why there’s two of me.”

Every time I sat down at that computer, flexing my fingers and waiting for 640KB of memory to be tested, I knew what terror awaited me on the other side of that finish line. I knew that even if I pressed the f key and strapped myself in for the greatest death race in history, that goddamn yeti, or his equally competent clone, would find me and kill the shit out of me.

It’s those kind of fond memories that make me glad to find games such as Free Board, a Newgrounds user’s Flash homage to SkiFree. It’s not a clone or remake by any means; you control a snowboarder in one of two modes. “Free Mode” has no limitations, and allows you to adjust your speed as you see fit. “Slalom Mode” is timed, requiring you to pass through gates to keep time on the clock and gradually increase your speed. This mode also tracks your score, which you can add to by jumping over gates and trees, and spinning in the air.

I found the controls a bit hard to get used to, but Free Board has become one of my favourite wastes of time. The graphics are clean and crisp, and the music’s pretty good too. I’ve scored as high as 153,000, by which point the speed of the game is almost too much. Anyway, check it out for yourself.

Ho, ho, and ho, fictional

Season’s greetings! Jeph Jacques gives the greatest gifts. To those of you reading, I hope you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Cheers!

Supreme Beings of Leisure

I listen to most every genre of music except country, and electronica happens to be near the top of the list with metal, which is weird, but whatever. I’m not talking straight techno [insert essay-length discussion of sub-genre terminology] although, admit it, we all remember Darude’s “Sandstorm”. No, I’m into other stuff: ambient, chillout, downtempo, trip hop, etc. Autechre, Boards of Canada, Electric Company, Thievery Corporation, and Zero 7 are just a few of my favourites.

Anyway, I heard this group called Supreme Beings of Leisure while listening to SomaFM a few nights ago. (Seriously outstanding Internet radio, including a cutting-edge indie rock station. Check it out.) I’ve downloaded their two albums, and both are excellent. Here’s the video for “Strangelove Addiction”, a track I particularly like, fitting for any good spy movie. Enjoy.

What happens in Dubai stays at high altitudes

Dubai is one of my top travel destinations for the future. Absolutely stunning architectural wonders, man-made islands shaped like leaves, and making tennis look cool, somehow. But we’ll get to that in a second.

These guys base jumped from the motherfuckin’ Burj Dubai.

“Dubai Tower”, if you’re unaware, is a supertall skyscraper currently under construction in Dubai, said to be completed in late 2009. It’s already the tallest man-made structure on the planet, at 700-some metres, with another hundred or so to go. Check out its Wikipedia page for some more fun facts and awe-inspiring photos.

As for tennis? The Burj Al Arab, a luxury hotel in the region that itself holds a record for the tallest structure solely purposed as a hotel, sports a “floating” helipad that doubles as a tennis court. What?! Turns out that Andre Agassi and Roger Federer decided to have a match up there one day. You can watch a few clips from the game here, or check out this vertigo-inducing photo of Federer serving:

Ken Block Gymkhana Practice

I don’t know a lot about cars. I like to look at them and drive them really fast, but don’t ask me what makes them go. This video, on the other hand, makes me go. In my pants.

[Gymkhana is] an automotive sport that takes place on an open field or parking lot and requires drivers to skillfully maneuver their cars around a series of cones, slaloms, 180 degree turns, 360 degree turns, figure eight turns or other obstacles using extreme acceleration, braking, and drifting.

Extreme isn’t even the fucking half of this Ken Block character, who navigates a badass-looking Subaru with unbelievable precision, wearing a smug grin on his face the entire time.

Please watch, and then, by all means, try this at home.