More like “foodball”

Honestly, by the time our Super Bowl XLIII stream dropped with five minutes to go in the fourth, and we had to switch to what sounded like a Russian broadcast, I was immobilized… from food. I’m not big on football – or any other major league sport, really – but these epic annual events are great excuses to get some friends together, act like you know everything about the ol’ pigskin, watch the greatest commmercial lineup in history, and, most importantly, drink beer and eat heart-stopping food until your mandibles have disintegrated from exhaustion.

We made chili. I’d never attempted this before, but there wasn’t enough time to properly prepare a Bacon Explosion or something similar, so we decided to cook a bunch of shit in a pot, and give it a highly inappropriate title.

Valhallocaust Chili:

• One pound of ground beef
• One pound of bacon
• One can each of beans (mixed), mushrooms, and diced tomatoes
• One can of “Manwich” sloppy joe sauce
• A few shots of “Ass Reaper” hot sauce, courtesy of Josh

De-lish! With the exception of a few ingredients that we already had (bacon, sloppy joe sauce and hot sauce) the chili only cost $10 to make, and served five of us, I think. One or two people had seconds. If that doesn’t sound like a recipe for gut destruction, we also ordered pizza and wings from the Shark. Oh, and they threw in some french fries as well. A feast worthy of kings, to be sure.

The game itself was utterly enjoyable. Admittedly, I didn’t even know which teams were facing off until the day prior, but before the end of the first quarter my allegiance was firmly with Arizona, mainly because I thought it would be cool to witness the Super Bowl first-timers pull off a Mighty Ducks upset. For the most part, this didn’t seem entirely unlikely. The Steelers’ incredible end-to-end return was a bit dismaying, if not at the same time totally awesome, but I really think Arizona held their own throughout the entire game.

As for the ad spots? I was excited by the G.I. Joe, Star Trek and Transformers 2 trailers, but somehow Watchmen didn’t make the bill, which was strange. The Monsters vs. Aliens trailer caught me off guard – I was really expecting more of the same old CGI fluff, but that movie looks good. “Pepsuber” was hilarious.

Not so thrilling: “Cash4Gold”, and that miserable “GoDaddy” filth. I’m not easily offended, but somehow a domain reseller managed to do the trick. Is there anyone that didn’t lose a few brain cells over that? I swear to god, one of their pre-Bowl commercials actually referenced motherfucking. Literally.

Anyway, class is wrapping up, so I will do the same. I give Super Bowl Sunday 2009 a manly five out of five tackles.

(Just a quick note to the cats that sleep on keyboards and randomly navigate themselves to this site: the recent lack of updates is due in part to laziness, sure, but also in part to the rigor that is school, work, girls (or lack thereof), city politics, and probably several other things that are making life a bit trying at the moment. I’ll work on becoming a soulless blog factory ASAP.)

Infectious fun for the whole family

The folks at Valve were kind enough to give the public a limited-time demo of their new shooter, Left 4 Dead, which is finally hitting the market next week. Take it from a guy who worships the very [virtual] ground that Gordon Freeman [virtually] walks upon: this game kicks ass. Lots and lots of decaying zombie ass. Here’s some of the finer points of the demo experience:

• Two levels have you and your survivor buddies moving through a few city blocks, then entering a subway station and working your way underground.
• All the while, you’re forced to contend with wave after wave of the undead – not your classic zombies, but something more to the tone of the Dawn of the Dead remake, or 28 Days Later. Zombies run, climb over obstacles, and let loose bloodcurdling screams instead of wimpy moans and groans.
• “Boss Infected”, as I believe they’re called, turn up every so often. The Hunter can lunge and pin survivors from twenty feet away. The Boomer, a bloated, vile creature, can vomit or, as its name suggests, explode near survivors, causing nearby zombies to converge on anyone unfortunate enough to be covered in the mess. These and others, such as The Smoker, The Tank and The Witch, keep you on your toes and constantly switching tactics.
• Pistols (all survivors are granted one, but a second can be found and equipped simultaneously) have unlimited ammunition, which you’ll quickly find yourself relying on if you happen to be particularly trigger-happy. Primary weapons – the usual shotguns, submachineguns, rifles, etc. – are also granted at the beginning of each level, but ammunition is hard to come by.
• In addition to molotov cocktails, survivors can also find pipe bombs, which, when thrown, cause nearby undead to swarm around the blinking red timer. These items are quite invaluable, as I witnessed a single pipe bomb instantly turn at least twenty zombies into nothing more than a fine red mist.
• Oh, yeah – this game is gory as fuck. Heads explode; limbs pop off in all directions; every surface – including your screen, if you’re right in the thick of battle – gets painted with blood. It’s badass.
• Overall gameplay, while fairly linear, takes some unexpected turns at the behest of the Director, a feature of the game’s artificial intelligence. The Director is responsible for the dynamic placement of weapons and medical supplies, as well as the instances of undead hordes. For example, I was leading my team down a deserted street when we accidentally set off the alarm of an abandoned vehicle, and were instantly surrounded by zombies. Other cues, such as music and bits of conversation from the survivors, create a very immersive and ever-changing experience.

As I remarked to a friend after playing through the demo twice, it’s a bit too early to tell whether or not Left 4 Dead lives up to my expectations, but it’s making one hell of an effort. If Valve’s track record is any indication – that is, the record which indicates how many loads I blew while playing Half-Life 2 – then, well, I’ll probably be presumed dead myself when I disappear from the face of the planet next week.